The way we dress evokes "What a plain jane, she's so boring, I'd love to give her a makeover" to "Look at her wild dress sense. You call that fashion? What an attention seeker!"
Our choice to wear makeup goes from "Oh you look very pale today, are you tired? Are you feeling unwell?" to "You wear far too much makeup! Don't slap it on - embrace your natural beauty"
The expectation for us to have children starts with "Oh, you had a baby in your teens? That's very young..." to "SO, when will you two start trying for a baby?! You don't want kids? Why not?"
Talk of marriage is often met with "Oh don't rush into settling down, you've got plenty of time!" to "When will you two finally tie the knot? Hasn't he put a ring on it yet?"
Sex shaming is probably the biggest contradiction of them all "Oh you were still a virgin in your twenties? You're a late bloomer aren't you!" to "She has slept with HOW MANY guys/girls? What a SLUT"
I recently stumbled across a box of old photos at my Grans house. In my teens, filled with selfies and smiles at a time where disposable cameras were how you documented holidays and nights with friends. I cringe at how bloody difficult it was to navigate through puberty. The mistakes I made, the lies I told myself and other, the situations I got myself into, the people I wasted time on. How much I beat myself up about every damn thing. I wish I had taken my Mum's advice about each situation and why I shouldn't worry. She had been there before, and now I have been there, and now my 11 year old sister is already starting to experience it too. With peer pressure and bullying at school. All this shit goes in the exact same cycle. Nothing changes. I thought it would get easier as we get older but now I realise that it doesn't. The only thing that changes is we start to give less of a damn about what every other person thinks.
Hello, here's my face. Packed full of makeup! Warpaint well and truly in place. Is it wrong that I feel nice when I take time to make myself look good? Is it wrong to even verbalise that I think I look good? Is it wrong to take a 'selfie' to document how I look, and then feel nice when people comment on it? I really don't know anymore, which is why I've ended up doing a lot of internet reading about it in the past weeks. We have been described as the selfie generation, narcissistic and self obsessed.
“Selfies have become an acceptable way to communicate. It’s the modern version of peacocking because, as more of us are meeting and communicating online, that’s how and where we project ‘ourselves’. Humans have always done this, whether it’s with cave paintings or self-portraiture – it reaffirms our identity. It’s a natural evolution.” - psychologist Diana Parkinson
Social media and camera phones now make it ridiculously easy to document your life online for other people to see. So I was interested in the link between this, and why I used to use disposable cameras to take loads of pictures that no one would see, apart from myself and close friends and family. I didn't upload any of these pictures to the internet, I wasn't trying to prove anything to anyone. The photos ended up in a shoe box under my bed. Yet I still managed to pull out a load of selfies from these photographs.
"Selfies have been around for ages. Nope, think way before MySpace default photos and its characteristic angles. Before the camera self-timer. Before cameras. In the 15th century, self-portraiture allowed artists to control the images and versions of themselves the public saw. During the Renaissance, commissioned portraiture was standard practice among the era's elites, a status symbol. Today, people carry high-definition cameras in their pockets, making it possible to snap photos of themselves whenever, wherever. The selfie barrier to entry is no longer the wealth, time and privilege of a French monarch. The selfie game is close to a level playing field, so go out and play, Marie Antoinette" - Marissa Cretin on mashable.com
My nose is healing up well after the recent mole removal. In this instance I don't regret having a cosmetic procedure to alter a part of my body which I wasn't happy with. If anything, I wish I had done it sooner! However I feel like a mole removal would be less judged than someone wishing to get a nose job or boob job. These people are getting the procedures for the exact same reason, yet if it's not for health related purposes, they can be described as vain? I really don't understand.
“Being overly concerned about pictures of yourself doesn’t make you a narcissist. It’s entirely normal, and from a survival perspective helpful, to be obsessed with gossip about yourself, pictures of yourself or responses to you online. Such status anxiety is part and parcel of being in a society. [We] are interested in what friends and family are doing, saying, thinking and feeling – particularly if it’s a response to us. This is how we establish our place in society, how we form supportive relationships with like-minded people.” - Dr Kelly McGonigal, a psychologist and the author of The Willpower Instinct.
Ocean Personal Loans got in touch to ask what I would do for an hour/day/afternoon/evening of relaxation. So y'know what I did? I had a total ME day. I went to see Paddy at Rainbow Rooms George Square for a haircut and colour, I took my time in doing a full face of makeup, I painted my nails, I went for a wander around the shops, then came home and had a massive clear out of my wardrobe for ebay/depop. A simple but selfish day. If you're reading this and think I sound like an absolute dick, then I would urge you to have a day like that to yourself soon. I feel like everyone needs it every so often. In all honesty, you deserve it too! Being so busy with work I was envious of people on instagram heading out for coffee and lunches, having lazy mornings in bed, and posting photos with immaculate makeup and beautiful outfits. I was jealous because deep down I needed a bit of time like this for myself. Not because I wasn't happy for people who have their shit together. It's because I wanted a bit of time to zone out from the constant overwhelm, and get my shit together too!
Ocean Personal Loans got in touch to ask what I would do for an hour/day/afternoon/evening of relaxation. So y'know what I did? I had a total ME day. I went to see Paddy at Rainbow Rooms George Square for a haircut and colour, I took my time in doing a full face of makeup, I painted my nails, I went for a wander around the shops, then came home and had a massive clear out of my wardrobe for ebay/depop. A simple but selfish day. If you're reading this and think I sound like an absolute dick, then I would urge you to have a day like that to yourself soon. I feel like everyone needs it every so often. In all honesty, you deserve it too! Being so busy with work I was envious of people on instagram heading out for coffee and lunches, having lazy mornings in bed, and posting photos with immaculate makeup and beautiful outfits. I was jealous because deep down I needed a bit of time like this for myself. Not because I wasn't happy for people who have their shit together. It's because I wanted a bit of time to zone out from the constant overwhelm, and get my shit together too!
The Face:
Naked Pallete by Urban Decay // Precision Gel Liner in 'Glimpse' and Highlighter in 'Gleam' by Illamasqua // Bronzer in 'The Skinny Dip' by Bare Minerals // Finishing Powder, Precision Eyeliner, and Volumizing Mascara by Sonya // Luxury Face Primer, Lipstick in 'Sadie Doll', Blusher in 'Honey Bell', and Foundation in 'Porcelain' by Sara Hill // Hair by Paddy at Rainbow Rooms George Square (What a perfectionist he is - I've found my new favourite hairdresser and colour expert)
The Nails:
OPI Colour Paints in Silver and Pen In Paint // Custom Dexter decals by DIY Nails // Sealed with gel topcoat using GelTouch (perfect way to make your home mani last longer!) // Crossbones ring by Bloody Mary Metal // Semi Precious stone ring by Noxious
Ultimately, I'm not really sure what the point in this post is. I guess I just wanted to say I have finally realised that it's okay to do what YOU want to do. The lazy mornings in bed eating leftover pizza and ignoring all of life responsibilites, having kids at a young age, not wanting to have kids at all, dressing as a super sexy version of whatever the hell you want for halloween, flying solo to a wedding or party, asking your Mum to come to a hospital appointment with you, and to hold your hand the entire time. You don't need me or anyone else to tell you what to do, or what is 'expected' of you. Like Dita Von Tease wisely said, You can be the ripest, juciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches. Be proud of yourself. If you want to post that gorgeous, over-filtered, sexy, pouty selfie then do it. As women, I feel like the world would be a much more pleasant place to navigate if we spent more time supporting each other (like we do in drunken nightclub bathrooms) rather than trying to tear one another apart. I am nervous for the journey through early teens which my little sister is just about to embark upon. I hope that my advice and support will bring comfort to her, but I know it probably won't. She will feel like the only female in the world who has experienced heartache, peer pressure, bullying, hangovers, shitty exam results, periods, breaking your virginity, and everything in between. If she can learn from my tears and fuck ups, or find any comfort in knowing she is not alone, then that makes every second of my life experiences so far even more worthwhile.
"Self love and narcissism are two different things. It is not a crime to feel pretty, it is not a crime to take a photo and share it. It is not a crime to show the world that you, a real live breathing human being, feel pretty today. It's okay to be pretty. Really, it is. Look at yourself in the mirror and say "that is a damn fine human being" and the sky isn't going to burn up, I promise" - Redheaded_Dancer on readwave.com
