I really did have the best intentions of writing one more post before 2014 was out. But quickly came the succession of Christmas, Boxing Day, moving house, and Hogmanay... followed by the week long food coma and epic sleeping sessions. I feel like I only properly woke up when it got to the 5th of January and thought shit, time to get my life back into action!
I don't have any new year resolutions as such, because I constantly feel like I am giving myself a hard time in terms of self improvement. I always strive to be the best version of myself, which can't be all bad, but actually IS bad when it gets to the point of worrying myself to death over how good a daughter/friend/collegue I am. Writing ridiculous, unachievable lists and punishing myself when I don't get everything on them done to a perfectionists standard. Worrying when I have nothing to worry about because when things are going smoothly I am paranoid that I must have missed something?! What's the deal with that eh? I think my sensitive but determined personality, mixed with a history of Generalised Anxiety Disorder can often be a recipe for disaster. But in the past while I have learned that it's about accepting and embracing this, rather than fighting and trying to control it. The most favourite piece of advice someone gave me in 2014 was 'be kind to yourself'. Such simple words, but extremely important ones that should never be over complicated. Which our generation seems to be very good at doing.
I had a really interesting chat with my friend Ashley recently (who took the picture above) about how we are the first proper digital generation, with our lives often revolving around facebook, instagram, twitter etc. And hey, even blogs! But I don't mind that so much. I enjoy documenting my life in a diary form and being able to look back on where I've been and the journey I have came on. I guess I like instagram etc for all the same reasons, but I also really dislike the negatives that come hand in hand with social media. People tend to share only the good stuff online, so it's easy to look at others and get yourself down about how perfect their life seems. I rarely share anything negative on my social media, with my reason being drawing attention to something which has made me angry, makes the anxiety and anger linger on for even longer! That's just my coping mechanism to help days I am feeling down pass quickly. It doesn't mean I have the perfect life and I need to remember the same goes for others. Staying genuinely positive is really important to me. Today I had a little black cloud following me about because Binx smashed my ipad screen, my old landlord was annoyed at me for something, my new flat isn't still quite ready yet so I am living out of a suitcase at my grandparents house for a week, and trying to get my taxes done with no internet and no printer for all the documents I need. The more I pay attention to the silly things that annoy me, the bigger an issue they become in my head. So now I tend to acknowledge these annoyances, and if I can do something to change them - Great! If I can't... forget that shit and tomorrow is a brand new day.
I understand that a New Year is symbolic to a lot of people for a fresh start, and a chance for new beginnings. I feel like my internal clock restarts every night, so if I've had a bad day and feel a bit teary I can often sleep it off and wake up with a clean slate the next morning. I always set myself daily goals, but seeing as it's January I have been setting my sights on some more long term goals too.
Establish a better work/play balance - This could be quite challenging due to the nature of my job, but my social life seems to go from one extreme to the other (ie when I'm working, I don't bloody have one!) I'd like to try and strike a better balance, rather than disappearing off the face of the earth and feeling like I've sold my soul to the TV industry.
Sit my bike test - After riding Motocross for most of my teenage years I think it's time I bit the bullet and got myself a road bike. Seeing my Dad and his new Triumph has reinforced that the bug has never went away for me. Fingers crossed this is the year where I'll be financially stable enough to go for it!
Take more photographs - It is so easy to rely on the quick convenience of an iphone to take photos. This year I want to fall in love with my SLR all over again and start taking proper photographs, especially for on my blog.
See more of the outdoors - Scotland is downright beautiful, and has so much to offer right on our doorstep. I would really love to go on more adventures like the trip I look to Loch Tay in December. Get out into the fresh air more regularly and help blow away any cobwebs that start to build up. I'll always want to see more of the world, so some travels abroad this year wouldn't go a miss too if money permits.
Reach my final goal weight - I worked pretty hard towards the tail end of the year to loose some excess weight I had been carrying, and I actually felt so much better for it (physically and mentally!) Keeping healthy is a long term goal for me rather than giving in to fad diets. I'm a bit nervous about stepping on the scales after Christmas, but I just plan on taking it a day at a time and hopefully wean myself off 'I'll just have one more handful of chocolates' autopilot!
Learn to say yes and no confidently - I absolutely love this article written by Mark Manson called 'Fuck Yes Or No'. It's all about dating but I think it makes total sense to apply it to the rest of your life too. I am going to say yes more and make time for the things I do want to do, and not give myself a hard time for saying no where I would normally give in for the sake of pleasing others. If you're looking for a bit of wisdom and motivation to kick start the new year I would recommend having a look through Mark's website, there's some fantastic pieces on there which definitely strike a chord or two, and you probably don't realise how much you agree with the advice and observations which he verbalises so well, until you've read an article and think THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!
These are just some thoughts I've been sitting on for a while, and in 2015 I would really like to manifest them into a reality. I'd love to hear what your hopes and dreams are for the coming year. I'm always around on twitter or instagram for a blether (@hellorogue)
