The M Word

Today on the blog I'm going to talk about something really personal to me. A subject that I rarely mention to my family and friends, never mind strangers or people who I don't know very well. Purely for selfish reasons of self confidence and hoping that if I don't mention it, I will draw less attention to it. That 'it', is an elephant in the room but of tiny proportions. The mole on my nose! This may seem like such a trivial thing to some people, but to me... I feel very vulnerable, awkward and exposed when talking about it. So despite it being an obvious thing slap bang in the centre of my face, I appreciate you all understanding how difficult it actually is for me to talk about this.




Baby Ayden wasn't born with this mole. Looking back on old photographs I was about 4 years old when it started to form, and by the age of 7 it pretty much looked like the way it does now. I never noticed it so much when I was younger. I was a happy go lucky girl at school and luckily never subject to any sort of bullying, about something that would have been such an easy target for people to mock me. Disappointingly it has been in my teen/adult years where I have received back handed comments, which are probably just peoples curiosity communicated in the wrong way. Children are a lot more upfront and honest than adults, and in a totally refreshing and innocent way! I don't mind my 5 year old brother pointing to my nose and asking 'what is that Ayden?' but I do mind an anonymous commenter on the internet saying 'what is that THING on your nose?'

I've came to call 'that thing' a mole, but to be honest I don't really know what it is, in more technical and medical terms. Over the years I have approached my doctor many times with questions about removal, to be batted away and have my concerns shrugged off because they are for aesthetic reasons rather than being detrimental to my health. A mole that affects my self confidence because of it's appearance is not really on the top of the NHS's to do list. They have a lot more pressing and important cases over my own, so I have always ended up coming away from the doctors a bit deflated and deciding to leave pursuing it. Then 6 months to a year would pass and I'd start thinking about it again, wondering what my options were but also scared to bring it up with my doctor again because it wasn't something 'important' in their eyes.

I was recently invited to an event at the Glasgow Transform Clinic to learn more about their non surgical procedures, however I couldn't attend as it was on my birthday. When this email landed in my inbox it sparked thoughts in my brain again, and I had a look over the website myself to see that they offered mole removal. You know that 'sign' you are often waiting for, but sometimes never get? Well this was it for me. The thing that I have wanted to do for years but always put off, made excuses for or went on my friends and familys comments of 'Oh but it's a part of you!' and why would I want to get rid of something that is a part of who I am, naturally, as a human being. I have always appreciated my friends and familys advice on the subject, which is why I know they will support me 100% in my decision to finally get the mole removed.

After chatting with the people at Transform and being initially so comforted by their positive, honest and 'can do' approach, I decided to go for an initial consultation to discuss the procedure further. I popped up to their city centre clinic last weekend on my day off, which was a strange oasis of calm amongst a busy and bustling city! I never would have known the clinic was there, slap bang in the middle of Glasgow. I sat with Jessica drinking coffee and explaining my medical history and how I felt unsupported by the NHS (who I am not faulting or moaning about at all, I just feel like they have continued to brush me off and don't take my anxieties seriously) I then had a meeting with my surgeon Mr Ottoviani, who was extremely knowledgeable and reassuring about the whole thing, and I honestly got more information and progress with him in a 20 minute meeting than what I have in the past 10 years of researching mole removal myself.

Jessica called me this morning for a follow up chat, and I'm pleased to pencil in my diary that I will be going in to get my mole removed on the 4th of September. Despite all the tattoos and piercings I've had over the years, I am extremely anxious about getting this procedure done. Not from a medical perspective though, as I have trawled Transforms Patient Charter and I know I am in the safest of hands. I do however have a massive fear of the unknown, of the pain, and of how I will feel afterwards. How will it look? Will I regret it? Will I miss this unique part of 'me'? Time will only tell. But right now I feel that going with Transform is the best step for me.

In aid of calming my nerves before the big day, do you have any experience of mole removal yourself? Either with the NHS or going private. Transform were brilliant at answering my million and one questions, but I'd also like to get other peoples personal experiences of this sort of procedure too. I'll be posting about my actual operation along with some after photos, but until then I'd be grateful to hear your thoughts and opinions. Thank you, as always, for being supportive even when I present the most vulnerable side of myself to you on my blog. This one is quite a biggie for me!